


The Top Dog

by Enterthetadpole, Whatsastory



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Buddy System Season 2, Dog grooming AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, PornStache!Link, Slow Burn, barbara - Freeform, jade - Freeform, manbun!rhett
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-10-18 00:38:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17570945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enterthetadpole/pseuds/Enterthetadpole, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whatsastory/pseuds/Whatsastory
Summary: Jade's Spa is one of the most exclusive dog grooming establishments in Los Angeles. Link has everything he wants, until an old rivalry decides to move in right across the street.





	1. Barking Up the Wrong Tree

**Author's Note:**

> We decided that the world of Rhink needs more Buddy System 2 looks for our favorite ship. Plus Jade and Barbara too! Please comment and give kudos if you like what we are doing!

“Yes, yes! That’s it! Oh, wow, you are incredibly gorgeous.” Link takes a step back and just admires,  wiping at the sweat forming on his well pronounced brow line. He may never have seen anything quite so startlingly perfect, he thinks, and decides that he’s never been happier with his life.    
  
“I can’t believe that you’re all mine,” he coos, and brushes a steady hand across the perfectly styled head in front of him. If only everything could look this good, the world would be a far better place.    
  
“I’m so lucky that you’re in my life,” he says, this time a bit quieter, but packed with real emotion. He thinks of all they’ve been through, the years of undying companionship, a move to a new city, starting a business together. And through it all there’s still no one he’d rather call his best friend. “I love you, Jade. You’re daddy’s good girl, huh? You love getting your haircut. Who’s a good girl? Jade is! Jade’s a good girl!”    
  
Normally he wouldn’t allow himself to baby talk a dog, or heck, even a baby for that matter, but it’s only the two of them in the salon, and she is a good girl. The best girl. And judging from the slight wag of her tail, she appreciates him telling her so.

The brown eyes sparkle up at him and the world is complete. Who needs a dozen fawning lovers on his front doorstep to shower him with flowers and chocolate for each day of the week? Granted that would be pretty amazing, but no, Link didn’t  _ actually _ need that. 

“Package for Link Neal,” grunts a deep voice from the front of the shop. 

Jade barks at the burly mailman, who just chuckled at the small dog. Craig has been around the puppy boutique long enough to know that Jade’s bark is way worse than her bark. With a small flourish with the pen handed to him, Link’s signature covers the entire page. 

“You are  _ way  _ too into signing for your mail lately,” Craig muttered as he is handed back the pen and places it back in his shirt pocket. “What is it this time? New hair dryers?”

“Oh, you know me and my Amazon Prime. Could be any number of things really,” he beams, a dazzling smile with the same power as the shining sun above. Really though, he’s not sure what trinket is being delivered today, and can’t wait to rip into the package. The seal is broken and a mess of packing peanuts are at his feet before Craig could even consider leaving, and when Link pulls his prize from the box, a frown takes over where such joy shone through only moments ago. 

“What the hell?” he deadpans and turns over the bright red monstrosity in his hands. 

“A fire hydrant?” Craig asks with both surprise and understanding. “Doesn’t really, uh, fit the rest of the store but that’s pretty funny, Link. Cool purchase.” 

Sure, it had a sort of comedic quality to it, but it was far too low brow for Link’s upscale pet salon. His decor consisted mostly of soft neutral colors and abstract paintings of various dogs… but this? This thing would not find a home in his spa. Not if his life depended on it. 

“No,” he shakes his head and settles it with a thunk against the porcelain tile beneath his feet. “I didn’t order this. I wouldn’t have. It’s… gosh, it’s hideous!” 

“Lemme see the package. I was sure this was your… Aw, man. It’s one number off. Just across the street. I’m sorry, Link, that’s my fault. Let me take that from you. I’ll deliver it to its rightful owner.” Craig’s voice is sullen, upset over his obvious screw up; one he’s hoping that he won’t pay too dearly for. Link wants to be comforting, really he does, but there’s a nagging little thought in the back of his mind;  _ who else would order dog-centric decor?  _

“What’s the name on that package, Craig? Is there a pet store coming to town or something?” His heart beats fast with each word, unwilling to give up his hard earned clientele. He doesn’t want the competition. He’s worked hard to establish himself. 

“Not a pet store name. Uh, Rhett Mc...something? The label is t-“

“It’s McLaughlin. Rhett. Freaking. McLaughlin,” Link seethes. 

Long after Craig leaves, Link paces the floor of his shop, the building he bought and turned it into his home away from home. He’s enraged. He’s seeing red. He’s flexing and unflexing his knuckles like they’re going to snap if he doesn’t keep them moving. 

Rhett’s smug face is forever burned in his memory, and even now, years later, he can still see the way he always  _ literally  _ looked down on him. The way he grinned anytime Link’s grades in canine beautician school were less than his. The heavy frown that adorned his stupid little mouth anytime Link succeeded. The way he dressed. The way he smelled. The way Link has to work hard, really hard to compete. He remembers it all, and none of it is a positive memory. He hates Rhett, and he was hoping to never see him again, but yet, now he’s his business neighbor. It’s awful. 

Link can hardly sit still any longer. He’s going to confront him. He’s going to march across the street to where he only imagines is a tacky landfill cesspool of garbage. He’s going to go tell him that he should leave. That Link will be  _ damned  _ if Rhett  _ Freakin’  _ Mclaughlin is going to take over  _ his  _ neighborhood. Not today. Not ever. 

A small bark pulls Link out of his annoyance for the meerest of moments. Jade is sitting on one of her many plump dog beds, her expression one of moderate concern. 

“It’s okay, baby girl,” Link coos. “Daddy is just is a little upset is all. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Jade whimpers, but doesn’t move to stop him as he heads to the closest mirror. Link knows that Rhett will look him head to foot when he sees him. Judging him no matter what. 

_ Asshole. _

Granted, his mustache could use a small amount of a trim up, but other than that he looks flawless. Hair nicely combed. His dark blue button up shirt ironed perfectly, and chocolate brown slacks and dress shoes crisp. 

“Looking good, Mr. Neal,” he whispers to himself. “Now let’s deal with Rhett “The Manbun” McLaughlin.”

His fists stay firmly at his sides as he takes quick and heavy steps across the busy street. He will not back down. He will make his point known and Rhett will tuck his tail and head back to the hell hole he crawled from. Link’s sure of it. 

“Eye of the tiger,” he sings quietly to himself as his hand wraps around the cool metal handle of the new shop. He pulls the door open so hard that it nearly hits the wall behind it, and for a moment Link’s worried about having to pay for damages. But he doesn’t have time for doubt now. 

As soon as his foot is over the threshold, he spots an impossibly tall figure bent over a counter, seemingly deep in thought as he analyzes the papers in front of him. Bastard. They’re probably proposals to bring Link down. Not on his watch. 

“Hey man bun butt head,” Link spits, and Rhett visibly stiffens before turning around slowly and with a calm face that drives Link crazy. 

“Hello, Lincoln,” Rhett purrs, voice silky smooth. And god dangit, why can’t Link ever knock him off of his game? Why is he always so dang collected? 

It also doesn’t help that despite the large collection of wavy blond hair wrapped up in a large pile on the top of Rhett’s head that if anything, he looks more attractive than he did when they were in grooming school together. The years had placed an almost distinguished quality to the long bearded face and slender, yet toned build. If Link wasn’t so mad he might have just enjoyed looking at the man in front of him a small amount. 

“Even after all these years, I would think you would remember that I go by Link, not Lincoln.”

A tiny snort of laughter leaves Rhett’s lips, and it takes everything that Link has not to smack him in his smug bearded face. Everything from Rhett’s red and blue flowered shirt to his hip hugging jeans screamed bohemian love bum, and Link hated it. Plus, is he actually wearing penny loafers? 

“Of course, of course,” Rhett smirks with an apologetic wave of his large hand. “Just thought that by now you’d be actually using a grown up name, _ Lincoln _ , but since you called me...what was it? Man bun butt head? I guess being an adult isn’t on the menu anytime soon, hmm?”

The last word hmm actually is hummed, as if Rhett is singing the song that Link should know the words to. Yes, this is definitely the same asshole that Link had gladly said good riddance to so many years ago.

“Rhett? Why does he have your fire hydrant?”

The voice is coming from the front of the store, and a smaller man is placing a box of what looks like leashes and collars onto the front counter. Again, if the young man had any fashion sense, he could be fairly attractive. However, apparently he and Rhett must shop at the same thrift shops. 

“You have my giant fire hydrant?” Rhett asks, looking over from the young man who entered to Link. “Man, I’ve been waiting on that all day. It’s my art piece for the center of the lounge area. Sprays real water and everything.”

Link wrinkles his nose as if Rhett has said a disgusting swear word, and the younger man laughs. 

“This is one of my old school mates, Lincoln - sorry, sorry...Link,” Rhett begins, gesturing from Link to the young man who walks over to the other two men quickly. “Link, this is Chase.”

“Charmed,” Link mutters, taking Chase’s hand and giving it a brief shake. 

“Link?” Chase repeats, glancing back over to Rhett. “Is he the guy you told me gave you a blow job in your classroom at school?”

If Link could turn into smoke from embarrassment then he would have been exiting the building in a puff of vapor. Instead his jaw drops cartoonishly and he stammers an explanation.

“It...I didn’t mean to...I thought that he was someone else and - ”

“Ah, so it was an accidental blowjob,” Chase concludes. “No worries. Sure it’s happened to all of us once or twice, right?”

“Look,” Link manages despite the irritation grating on his nerves like coarse sandpaper. And it  _ was  _ an accident, he’ll have them know. Rhett knows it wasn’t supposed to be him, but of course his self serving attitude won’t allow him to stand up for Link and set the record straight. “I came here to tell you that you need to pack up and get out of here. I already own a pet salon across the street. We don’t need this… this stupid… whatever it is. You should go.” 

“Oh, Link. Link, Link, Link,” Rhett tuts with a gentle shake of his head. Probably too worried about his hair to really give a what-for. “I’m not going anywhere. You don’t want your shop near mine, then you move. But I’m here to stay. If you’re half as good as you think you are, then you’ve got nothing to worry about. Now scamper on off back to where you came from. This is a drama free zone, and your mustache is probably giving my future patrons the wrong idea about my place.” 

“S’wrong with my mustache?” Link scoffs, only having picked up on the insult. 

“Looks like you’re about to star in Backdoor Sluts 7. It’s really a travesty that you had to kill a small animal just for your appearance. Very unchill of you,” Rhett tells him, looking at him like he’s pathetic and small. Just like he always has. 

“Oh yeah?” Link challenges, racking his brain for a decent come back. Anything. Anything at all. “Well, you look like you killed a small animal to put on your head so… yeah, suck on them apples.”

Chase actually looks at Link as if he’s the most pitiful creature on the planet. That comeback should have been buried with how badly it stinks. 

“Well, unless you have any other pieces of my gorgeous artwork that somehow got misplaced at your place, Lincoln,” Rhett chortles. “Then I would assume you have other places you should be?”

Stomping isn’t something that Link could do well if he has the proper shoes, but this is a Thursday and he only wears his fashion forward brown ankle high boots on Tuesdays. Curse his need to accessorize on a weekly basis. 

“Jade, you wouldn’t believe the things that that… that bastard said!” He shouts as he enters his own store again, locking the door behind him. It isn’t quite closing time, but he’s in no mood for walk-ins right now. 

Jade, for her part, sits patiently and listens to him rant; it’s not her first rodeo. She’s accustomed to his ranting, and she’s a good pup and let’s him go. Link knows he looks a little neurotic, yelling to his dog for comfort, but what choice does he have? She’s his best friend and she’s all he’s got right now. 

“He’s a real piece of work, girl. I’ve never liked the guy. And now I positively  _ hate  _ him. He’s arrogant. His ignorant. Made even more obvious by his disgusting fashion choices.” As he says it, he only wishes that he’d have thought of saying it moments ago when he was still in his presence. He’d have to remember it for next time. 

For now his next steps are towards the stairs and up to his apartment. Now more than ever he’s happy that he decided to make upstairs area his own private apartment. Money be damned because now the wine rack is just that much closer. Just a couple of sips and Link is relaxing already, and soon the click clack of Jade’s claws on the tile floor helps Link know that his favorite girl is upstairs with him.

“Hmph,” he grumbles, taking another long sip of the red wine from his glass. Some droplets still cling to his mustache, and he wipes them away with a small handkerchief. “Just thought that by now you’d be actually using a grown up name. Asshole.”

Then he empties the glass and cleaning it and heading out of the kitchen. It’s late enough that sleep can be argued as a good idea. Plus maybe if Link hopes hard enough, this entire day will have turned out to be a bad dream. Rhett is still off in the dark recesses if his mind, and when Link wakes up all will be right in the world. 


	2. His bark is worse than his bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are great motivators! Thank you for reading!

The next sensation that Link has the next morning is an incredibly strong tickle in his throat. With a cough he sits up in his bed and panics. There is s slight haze of something smoky filling his room, and he yelps as he falls out of the bed trying to escape. Jade watches him tumble with a crack to the floor below. She yawns and stretches as she jumps off of the foot of the bed and heads over to the crumpled firm of her human. If dogs could sigh she would absolutely be doing that now. 

Link groans as he gets up, then squints as he feels around for just glasses in the faint light of morning. It's way too early to be dealing with someone in his building not knowing how not to burn breakfast.

Then again, a short sniff in the air let's Link know that isn't extra crispy bacon and toast he's smelling. It's much more of a earthy pungent smell that pushes through the air, almost like it needs to invade everything around it. Immediately Link checks to make sure Jade is okay by scooping her up into his arms and checking her nose and eyes for any signs of stress. 

Jade huffs way more from exasperation than the smoke around them.

“Don't worry baby,” Link whispers into her right ear. “I'll find out what monster is trying to suffocate you and Daddy. Don't you worry.”

A few moments later all of the windows in the upstairs apartment are opened and Link has a bathrobe over his floating peanut butter jar pajamas and is heading downstairs to the shop. Thankfully it looks like nothing is on fire. Link cursed under his breath at the ventilation in these buildings. It's part of the reason that the rent is cheaper than most, but he has worn his voice to the bone with complaining to the landlord about it. 

Then frowning deeply he unlocks and opens the front door to see who he needs to shout at this time for smoking him out of his bed. Across the street he sees Rhett's door opened wide and a puff of the same whitish grey smoke appears. 

“Of course,” Link grumbles. “God damn McLaughlin.”

Rhett doesn't notice Link stomping over towards him until he practically is a couple feet away. Today Rhett is wearing a tight pair of bell bottom jeans and a shirt covered with daisies. Jesus, how many flower shirts can one man own?

“Mornin’ neighbor!”

Link grimaces at the cheery greeting along with the bright smile. This wasn't a pleasure visit. That was  _ never  _ going to happen when Rhett McLaughlin was involved.

“Are you trying to kill me and Jade?” Link snaps, not caring at all if he sounds rude. “Smoke can be toxic to dogs.”

Rhett raises an eyebrow, and then seems to connect what smoke Link is talking about. Then much to Link's growing annoyance he just laughs

“That's not smoke,” Rhett smirks. “It's calming vapor. Helps with cleansing out spaces and it's perfectly safe for animals. Made the recipe myself. happy to give you some for your salon if you want.”

“Not interested,” Link grunts, but Rhett is already paying attention to something else, with his back turned away from Link like he’s not even there. This isn’t the way that Link wanted the morning to begin. Far from it, if truth really be placed on the table. In a perfect world Link is asleep until at least 9am, and then slowly getting out of bed by only the sounds of Jade telling him it’s time for her first potty break of the day and his first large cup of coffee. Both of them yawning as Link scrolls through his phone daily feed of drama happening in the news and then finally satisfied with staying up to date, there is breakfast.

Instead, here Link is, barely awake to appreciate the ridiculousness of Rhett’s bun of dark blonde hair placed on top of his head like some sort of furry oversized egg. Link would have had a least two or three stinging jokes ready if this was just a little bit later in the day.

“Just stop the skunk smoke, all right? I have some really high end clients at my boutique. Last thing they need to smell is your attempt at being bohemian.”

The chuckle didn’t help Link’s mood at all. Quite the opposite. 

“There’s no attempt at being anything, man. Just bein’ me.”

Rhett turns to look over his shoulder, and catches Link’s eye as he stands there. He’s still the same man Rhett knew back then. Just with a little more gray in the front of his head, but the mustache and the sour look is as classic as ever. 

“You should try it sometime,” Rhett continues. “Just being yourself, Neal. People out here don’t like phony. Making the dogs happy makes their people happy. Simple as that.”

Dime store philosophy wasn’t what Link is in the mood for, no matter what the time of day it is. Rhett hasn’t changed at all either. With his tacky clothing and Zen spouting bullshit. It doesn’t shock Link in the slightest that Rhett would get a giant plastic fire hydrant and place it in the middle of his business. 

“Need somethin’ else there, neighbor?”

Rhett is still wiping the surface of his reception area. His brow furrowed in concentration as he makes sure that the area is a shiny as he can make it. Elbow grease has never been something that the taller man has been afraid of, a little bit of a spit shine works in a pinch. 

“No,” Link grunts, his fingers fumbling for the belt of his bathrobe. Then he lets himself out, still muttering at his foggy brain not being able to click into gear to give Rhett a really good telling off. There’s always later in the day for that. Like in a few hours Rhett wouldn’t find a way to drive him crazy? Of course he would. 

  
  



	3. Every Dog Has His Day

The woman is unbearably particular, but Link has the best smile that he can muster. The customer service is etched in every single muscle on his expression, and his eyes glancing from the large set of pearls laying on the older lady’s throat, to the look of resigned acceptance on her miniature poodle Strawberry Muffin Jubilee's furry face. There is a connection that reads _ Help me. This woman is absolutely insane! _ within the dark brown eyes.

“So it is essential that my little Muffin gets a total of 195 soft brushes to her front legs and to her rear legs,” the patron continues. “That is 195 soft brushes to  _ both _ front and back legs. She is very sensitive, and the brush strokes are therapeutic. I assume that it will be you taking care of her, as always Mr. Neal?”

“Of course, Mrs. Lamps,” Link answers quickly. “I am always happy to take care of your little angel, and the full spa treatment will be implemented today. I also got in a splendid new set of organic dog treats that I think would work very well for Muffin’s sensitive stomach.”

Mrs. Lamps hums as she gives Link a calculating look. The type of look that Link has always associated with police officers in old 80s cop shows who are interrogating a subject that have proof are completely guilty.

It's times like this that Link is glad to have such a bushy moustache. It makes it easier to hide the sweat collecting on his upper lip. After what must be half a year, the older woman seems to agree that the organic dog treats are good enough for her sweet little Muffin. She agrees to take two boxes to start with a promise that there will be a weekly purchase if Muffin enjoys them.

After she leaves, Link exhales as if he has been underwater. Even Muffin tilts her head in slight concern. It's getting so that more and more dogs do this with Link. Maybe Jade is spreading the word around town that her Daddy is on the verge of a meltdown. She isn't wrong.

The rest of the day moves at a good pace. Link focuses in on getting all of the main grooming done before early afternoon so that he can get the rest of the new artwork up. Craig is close to breaking his back with the two oversized boxes he brought in a couple of hours ago. Thankfully, there are no giant red fire hydrants or smoke filled incense or god knows what else Rhett will say is high-end.

Jade does her best to keep as close to Link as possible without being actually underfoot. Her small feet a blur as she is hot on his heels as he zips from one end of the store to another. There’s enough to do to have Link moving throughout the afternoon, and soon Muffin is looking a pretty as a picture, and Mrs. Lamp is doting on her  _ little love crumpet.  _ If dogs had the ability to roll their eyes at awful nicknames then both Jade and Muffin would have done so.

It is only after closing time, and Link is making a decision as to what kind of dinner takeout will be best when a knock on the door turns his relatively normal day into something far more annoying. Rhett is standing and waving at him through the glass front door. His man bun on top of his head, and wearing what could only be called a black and white stripe muumuu dress. In his left hand, he carries a picnic basket and, with a sudden sense of dread, Link runs towards the back of the store.

Link sighs so hard that his moustache ruffles, but heads over to the front of the store anyway. If he knows Rhett, there is a very good possibility that the tall man will stay there indefinitely. Probably in some weird yoga pose and chanting meditations. The neighbors would never let him hear the end of it.

"I'm sure there's a good reason you're parked out on my front step," Link begins. "And what in the heck are you wearing?"

Rhett quirks an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. Instead he takes a few steps forward into the Link's boutique. His manbun decorated in fresh white lilies and muumuu flowing behind him as he strides inside.

"This happens to be fashion," Rhett says sternly, and he actually holds his arms out to make sure that Link can see the entire outfit properly. "And I came over to bury the hatchet with you, Lincoln. I even brought a completely organic vegan lunch for us to enjoy."

 

Link frowns. Jade jumps over to Rhett happily and wags her tail as she circles around his sandaled feet.

"See? Even your better half wants us to get along," Rhett chuckles. "Before you know it, her and Barbara will be going on play dates. So what do you say, Lincoln? A nice lunch and we can talk about old times?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to supersassybatgirl for beta reading!


End file.
